spamguy » stupid http://blog.spamguy.org Just another WordPress weblog Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:42:27 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.5 Kenny G-Flat http://blog.spamguy.org/2008/09/03/kenny-g-flat/ http://blog.spamguy.org/2008/09/03/kenny-g-flat/#comments Wed, 03 Sep 2008 23:22:29 +0000 spamguy http://blog.spamguy.org/?p=134 On my previous, now-deceased blog (peace be with it), I made my sentiments known about smooth jazz, the musical genre with a serious misnomer. When there are lyrics, they’re as shallow and repetitive as a third grader’s attempt at poetry. When there aren’t, the performers make no effort demonstrating what makes their music jazz.

The supreme example is Kenny G. Trashing Kenny G is preaching to the crowd in most ways, but despite that he is one of the most popular saxophonists alive. For years I blamed his godawful music on his instrument, the alto saxophone. One critic outlines precisely what is wrong with this man, and since reading it I have (snicker) changed my tune. His tone changes from calm and collected to foaming with rage (Kenny G’s ‘lame-ass, jive, pseudo bluesy, out-of-tune, noodling, wimped out, fucked up playing’), but every point he makes is spot-on.

Anecdote time: in high school chemistry my class was taking an exam right before Christmas. The room was silent, the air thick with concentration, as exam periods are wont to be. Halfway through, our teacher ((This woman had a few screws loose, just in general. This dumb idea of hers is merely an example.)) piped up:

‘Would anyone like to listen to some music while they’re working?’

Unless her taste in music comprised Iron Maiden and Billy Ray Cyrus, it seemed like a harmless idea. We weakly mumbled in agreement. She marched over to the CD player, punched a button, and Kenny G came blaring out. Not just any Kenny G: Kenny G’s Christmas carol cover album.

Needless to say, I failed that exam.

]]> http://blog.spamguy.org/2008/09/03/kenny-g-flat/feed/ 0 They Know What They Want And They Know How To Get It http://blog.spamguy.org/2008/08/16/they-know-what-they-want-and-they-know-how-to-get-it/ http://blog.spamguy.org/2008/08/16/they-know-what-they-want-and-they-know-how-to-get-it/#comments Sat, 16 Aug 2008 23:41:47 +0000 spamguy http://blog.spamguy.org/?p=129 I was walking by Austin’s Paramount Theatre a couple weeks ago. The lettering on their sign was unfortunate. Not nearly as dumb as other theatre mistakes, but still amusing:

CLASSIC FILMS THAT OBSCURE OBJECT OF DESIRE

Paramount, like many arthouse theatres, is pandering to a microscopic niche market: the group of people that know what they want but would rather they didn’t. ((If you’re totally lost, here’s a hint.))

]]> http://blog.spamguy.org/2008/08/16/they-know-what-they-want-and-they-know-how-to-get-it/feed/ 0 Swedish Watch? http://blog.spamguy.org/2007/12/08/swedish-watch/ http://blog.spamguy.org/2007/12/08/swedish-watch/#comments Sat, 08 Dec 2007 06:13:31 +0000 spamguy http://blog.spamguy.org/2007/12/08/swedish-watch/ Overheard at a restaurant this evening:

Sorority Girl #1: Lookit this! [sticks out wrist]

Sorority Girl #2: [looks] What is it?

SG1: It’s a Swatch.

SG2: What’s a Swatch?

SG1: It’s a Swedish watch, made in Sweden.

Apparently the Swiss flag directly on the watch face wasn’t enough of a hint, but when your worldview goes only as far as the nearest burger shack, it’s understandable. Should I tell her that Timexes aren’t really time Kleenexes?

]]> http://blog.spamguy.org/2007/12/08/swedish-watch/feed/ 0