House flipping and Ponzi schemes can kiss my ass. There is only one way to get rich quick, as I discovered this afternoon.
- Stop if you pass a CoinStar machine in your local supermarket, mall, or area of high traffic.
- Peek in the tray, in the reject receptacle, and under the machine.
- ???
- Profit! Literally.
The Randalls I shop at must have a hypersensitive machine, because it rejected $3.31 in coins (3 quarters, 12 dimes, 18 nickels, 46 pennies), the vast majority of which seemed unobjectionable to my eye. The poor chump that used the machine must have been deaf to not notice the sound of almost 80 coins near his feet. Even if you don’t profit economically, sometimes you get a pleasant surprise in the form of exotic currency. Speaking of CoinStar, more life advice:
- Rack up unwieldly amounts of loose change.
- Approach a CoinStar machine.
- Urinate in its tray.
- Join a bank or credit union that offers free, fee-less change counting.
- ???
- Profit! Literally.