spamguy

I’m still experimenting with online dating. My tastes are in a constant cycle of repulsion (as was my tenure at plentyoffish.com) and sincere hope. OKCupid is pretty neat with all their doodads, but sincere hope is definitely not in the pipeline when their personality evaluation includes the question:

Would you ever consider having sex in a graveyard?

What the…? Christ, I don’t know. There are many nouns both proper and general that I really haven’t considered. Would I have sex in a monastery? A Chick-Fil-A? The U.S.S. Constellation? Some are great for dares, some need payment in advance to convince me.

With my uncanny ability to make anything into a Web 2.0 system (I humbly call it a super power), a thought just struck me. What if there were a wiki cataloging people’s sexual escapades in every possible place? For every noun, there is an article. Post a story, a picture, whatever is necessary to corroborate. Whether the point of this theoretical wiki is to create ridiculously organised reality pr0n—it’s not—this database would act as the launchpad for XKCD’s Rule 34 and Rule 35 of the Internet. More effectively, even, than wetriffs.com, which is directly inspired from XKCD’s Rule 34/35.

Before I’m decried as a filthy, filthy pr0n purveyor, I assure you it was a novelty idea. It is an Einsteinian ‘thought experiment’ regarding society’s greatest vice: just as no one will be sending twins out into space, I pray no one will have the time or energy to expend on a dictionary of sex locations.

Some dictionary ideas work, like odd Mormon names. Most don’t, like the importance of every number under an arbitrary ceiling. (Hint: ‘the largest known number n that makes 72ⁿ – 71ⁿ prime’ will not floor many people.) Let’s get through Web 2.0 alive by avoiding the latter.