Archive for March, 2008

2,041

Thursday, March 6th, 2008

I love riddles, but the one that aggravates me the most is also one of the oldest, dating from 1650 or earlier:

As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives
And every wife had seven sacks
And every sack had seven cats
And every cat had seven kits
Kits, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St Ives?

The sucker’s answer is 2,401 or 2,402, depending on whether you include the narrator. This response is typically followed by a clever smirk by the riddler, because the actual answer is one: everyone is coming from St Ives except the narrator. Furthermore, the narrator is not the group of listed items, so in some circles the answer dwindles to zero.

This riddle plays the language game so much that it’s unfair for the victim not to be able to play it back. What is the context of meet? There is no preposition from or to detailing the travels of the narrator’s polygamous friend. Just as the victim is mocked for believing everyone is travelling together, the questioner should be chided for assuming the two characters are travelling in opposite directions.

It’s generally just a horrible Mother Goose rhyme to read to your five year-old. The ambiguity of it will make his face implode. Stick to the tried-and-true questions with no loopholes: how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

MEHCAT

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

It’s been so long since a LOLCAT has made me, well, LOL. The glory has passed. I still keep icanhascheezburger in my RSS feed, but as LOLCAT making becomes easier and more accessible—widgets exist to do the hard Photoshopping for you—the point of the meme has fuzzed. I love to slam 4chan for being illiterate assholes, but goddamn it, they still produce fine, fine cat macros. I bring this particular one up because it rose to the challenge of making me LOL and won. For a full two minutes. Yep, animals with inverse cross-eyedness are cute, all right.

confuse

Radium? Damn Near Killed 'Em

Tuesday, March 4th, 2008

This is a first: I’ve given up trying to find a book. Ross Mullner’s Deadly Glow: The Radium Dial Worker Tragedy documents a bizarre and lugubrious tale of lax health standards in industry. 112 assembly line girls paid to coat clock faces with glow-in-the-dark paint containing radium died; countless more became consistently sick with malignancies and strange illnesses. The story is stranger than fiction, and this book is the only one that covers it in good detail. I could buy it, but at $32 and 190 pages of text, that’s $0.168 a page. I could fetch it from a library, but it doesn’t exist in any library within the city. What is this book’s biggest curse, its cost or its obscurity?

It would be dumb to make the university my scapegoat as I cry about being too cheap to buy a book myself. I don’t take for granted that a Top 10 Library exists in town: UT Austin holds 9.02 million volumes. Stunning, but drains on its budget has slowed its acquisition of books such that its spot on the list is declining. If you visit Perry-Castaneda library, the budget crunch is visible before you enter the building. Both front automatic doors are broken and administration has confessed that repairs cost more than the budget allows. On the inside, wall sockets for laptops are a luxury commodity. It’s unfair to pin blame of one missing book and Carter-administration furniture on sports, but I am willing to claim that a sustained library budget over the years nips a lot of problems, missing books included, in the bud.

Radium Dial Worker may yet exist within the state. If you have a UT ID, perhaps you could help: request the book for me.

Opie Can't Handle the Truth

Monday, March 3rd, 2008

Whilst writing up a surprisingly long list of The Things Jack Nicholson Has Taught Us (a list that has given my life new perspective; thanks, Victoria!), one bit on IMDB’s profile made me do a double-take:

“The Andy Griffith Show” …. Marvin Jenkins / … (2 episodes, 1966-1967)
… aka Andy of Mayberry (USA: rerun title)
- Aunt Bee, the Juror (1967) TV episode …. Marvin Jenkins
- Opie Finds a Baby (1966) TV episode …. Mr. Garland

Two opposite realities collide. Jack Nicholson, the image of mental instability and carefree malice with an oh-so-cool smirk and receding hairline, lives in Mayberry, NC, the small town that needs only two police officers. The absurdity is overwhelming, but IMDB is never wrong. YouTube corroborates for us: